The ninth Dream Date takes us to a quiet place.
A transcript of this episode is below.
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This is Dream Date number 9.
I miss touch. I miss being touched. I miss the intimacy of touch – the feeling that someone desires me, and the illusion that they will look after me and support me. It’s not enough to have a stranger brush past me on a busy Tube platform or to be roughly caressed by security at the airport. I’ve been trying to make time to touch myself more, for all that it feels silly, and I’ve started to notice some of the times that I touch myself already without being fully aware of it. When I cross my arms, for example, I tend to clutch my ribs just beneath my armpits. I often hold my chin and pinch it slightly between my finger and thumb. I stroke my bottom lip while I’m thinking or reading. When I’m tired, I pull at my earlobes and at the top of my ears. I scratch my nose a lot. I pick my nose quite a lot. I like to run my fingernails across my scalp. It used to be that, when I ate, I would use one hand to hold my fork and push the other hand between my legs, holding on to the back of one of my thighs. I don’t do that so much any more. I don’t know why. When I’m feeling particularly nervous, it can be helpful just to put my palms flat against my lower stomach. Sometimes, there’s a lot of warmth there. I like to rub my feet together in bed very slowly. And when I’m sleeping alone, which is most nights, I hug a pillow, which gives me the illusion that someone is touching the whole of my chest and the top of my stomach. I find that very calming. What I can’t replicate is the feeling of someone lying on my back, pushing my body into the mattress. But that’s all right because I can imagine it. And that’s almost enough.
Thank you for listening. This has been the 21st Museling. My name is Charles Adrian. I’m on twitter as @charldrian and more information about the podcast is at muselings.uk.
This web page and its contents © Charles Adrian Gillott October 2020